It’s the moment none of you have been lookin forward too, the dreaded mornin after. Your blurred memories of the night before swirl around your head as you struggle to remember if last night really was as fabulous as you imagine, or if, like every other weekend, you just ended up makin a tit of yourself down Mill Lane.
And the it starts.
Your head is poundin, your stomach feels weak as fuck, and everythin’s spinnin.
Where is your vodka god now?
See, it would be sound if you could just get your boyfriend/housemate/lad who you woke up next to, to pop down the shop to buy you, all of the liquids. You’d be laughin. You could snuggle up in your nice reliable bed with lovely stable darkness, and just snooze/hydrate repeat, the day away.
But what if the unthinkable happens, what if you’ve got plans, or work, or a nail appointment you can’t cancel?! Well don’t worry babe, you’re not alone. Ease yourself out of bed, pop the kettle on, an follow this simple advice, it wont cure your hangover, but it’ll make the whole day a lot less painful.
There’s masses of hangover advice out there, yes drink more water obviously, eat a banana and have some paracetamol, but there isn’t much advice out there tellin us what to do with our vile hangover face/hair/body. Well, don’t you worry, as a hangover connoisseur I have devised some simple tips which will help you out a treat.
First things first, shower As cold as you can bear to have it. Warm showers and steamy rooms can make you nauseous and we cant risk that today, plus the cold water will wake you up a treat.
Once you’re out the shower, resit the urge to fall back in bed, instead, wrap yourself up in all of the towels and your dressing gown and pop yourself down to sort your hair and face out.
Hair An easy style will work to your advantage today, A messy top knot is gunna be your new bezzy today
Face Moisturise and then maybe moisturise some more. A good rich one that’s gone get in there and sort you out. I’m usin Bioderma Hydrabio Serum – Moisturising Concentrate which is the one for hungover skin. Leave it soak in for as long as you can afford too time wise. If you need to, dab a little eye cream under your piggy peepers too to try and help with the puffiness. (use your baby or ring finger to do this because your pointy finger will just jab too hard)
Perhaps now would be a good time to go pop the kettle on an get yourself a brew. A proper brew with sugar, unless you’re into pissin about with all that green tea milarky, either way, gerra brew.
BB or CC Cream Foundation’s just gunna be too cloggy on today’s dehydrated face, (I’m usin Cliniques Moisture Surge CCCream because I can’t be doin with anythin harsh or perfumed)
Powder If you wanna lightly brush over some powder, you probably should do (try and avoid pressed powders because it might be a bit heavy) Chances are your body temperatures gunna be all over the place today an we don’t want a shiny red face.
Touche Eclat Deserves its own mention because it is literally as powerful on your hangover face as any of gods elixirs.
Eyes If yours look anythin like mine today, they’re red, puffy and a bit hurty. When it comes to applying make-up to this area, you need to channel your inner bomb disposal officer, which is almost impossible to do as your hands are shaking like mad. But try an delicately sweep over a nice neutral shadow, nothin mad which is gunna draw attention, and deffo no eyeliner, that’s way too harsh.
At this point, take a break to enjoy your delicious tea, as touching your eyes has probably left you a bit shaken up.
Eyelash curlers If you’re anythin like me, you need all the help you can get openin your eyes today, as your facial muscles have probably lost the ability to do this by themselves. Hopefully they’re all cold and mentally and pressing them to your lids will be a lovely little cooling treat. (Top Welsh Girl Tip – place them in the fridge before you leave the house the night before, so they’re dead cold the next day)
Mascara If you can help it, don’t use black, because its too harsh a colour on the ol’ piggy peepers, a little flick of brown will work a treat. Maybe a nice dark grey if you have it.
Brows Fillin them in will help frame your face and widen your eye (thank god). Get yourself Benefits’s Brow Zings. Bar the crate your engagement ring comes in, this is single handedly the most important box you will ever own in your life. Swear down.
Hopefully now your face is looking fresh and dewey and not red and shiny, so the next thing to tackle is wardrobe.
Clothing When it comes to getting dressed, there is one huge tip which I cannot stress the importance off enough. Do not, under any circumstances, put on any item of clothing which is made of polyester.With your body temperature fluctuating as much as it will be, the last thing you want is to feel like you’re wearing a plastic bag. Avoid wool and cashmere too because over heatin will only add to your discomfort. Try instead to layer up with cotton and linen garms. Bearin in mind how hot and cold you’ll feel during the day, layers which can be ripped off or thrown on will be a god send.
Shoes I’m guessin, like me, you absolutely caned your feet in massive heels last night? If so, a comfy flat will keep you totterin sweetly all day. Of course, Ugg boots must be avoided at all costs. Christ, just because we’re fragile, doesn’t mean we’re willing to compromise on style.
Scent Given how weak and vomy you might feel, go easy on the scent. Avoid sprayin anythin near your neck or face. You’re just askin for trouble if you do that.
And there you have it, you’re lookin good (as good as you can do with such a stinkin hangover) and ready to limply take on the world. Or maybe not? Even if your plans only extend to wobblin to the coffee shop for caffeine supplies, hopefully you can do so with just a touch more comfort.
Have you got any hangover face tips you swear by? Any garm do’s and dont’s that help you get through the day? Lemme know because I am never one to turn down hangover help.
Now excuse me girls, I think I can feel last nights chips and curry sauce repeatin themselves! Someone pass me the Pepto-Bismol !!